Lost!

I'm back again.... feeling so easily tired this 1 yr .... gosh!!!! REally cant deny tat i'm getting old.... which in fact i haf juz turned 1 yr older last week. Had a celebration wif my beloved sisters and brothers.... i am happy but not most happy coz the person i wished the most to be there.... she wasnt. Received many gifts and wishes .... and some really surprises me. Thanks thou.

Sometimes, i really wonder to myself tat i've lost myself..... I really wish to haf the energy i had yrs back.... so bubbly, energetic, full of adrenaline .... when can i ever find "tat me" again??? Is it ever possible? Perhaps after i graduate from my part time degree? i guess i will never noe till the day arrives ....

REally really really wish for a break from everything here ..... wish to juz travel to a quiet place to lead a simple quiet life for a couple of days ..... really feeling desperate abt tat ......

Ordeals after ordeals

Too much has happened @ home lately.... i'm really very worn out, dead beat..... when will all this come to an end..... dad is down wif depression abt 2 mths ago.... and condition seems to get worse even after admission, taking med and all the care, concern and counseling doesnt seem to help..... i really feel so helpless and hopeless!!!!! wad more can i do????

I've been really very physically and emotionally stressed up.... either drown myself wif tears or been wanting to cry everyday..... it's torturing for me but the most tortured person is my mum.... i really pity my mum very much..... she's the best mum, best wife a man can ever get but where does she have to suffer all this shit from my dad??????? Wad did we owe him???? i know my mum is really very very hurt, but she's still being strong, she doesnt want to affect me too coz she noes how stress i am too.... having to juggle my work, studies, assignments, grandma and now him........ i'm really really very very very very tired.......... life is really really tough. When will all this come to an end???

I've been really very hot and short tempered lately..... due to so much stress.... i noe i have to be patient wif him, but all the things and actions he's up to esp his "acting", really pisses me off... i really hate to feel this way but i really cant control no matter how hard i try to control..... he's testing my limit. I've already done all tat i can, but nothing seems to help and tatz y i'm feeling really hopeless and helpless. i'm really @ a loss now....

Sometimes i really admire my sis for being so cool and cruel. How i wish i can be like her at times perhaps my life could be easier.... but it's not in me.... i'm too alike my mum's character..... soft-hearted....... i noe i haf to be strong even thou i feel like i'm collapsing soon.... coz i haf to be here for my mum..... i'm worried abt her health too.... from high blood pressure to now low blood pressure and she's anaemic..... i really cant afford to let anything happen to her.

Everyone is asking me to be patience and strong.... i'm really seriously already trying my very best..... it's really not easy.... i appreciate those who really empathize wif me.... it's really not easy!!!!

i juz hope i can really do well in my degree, i've spent so much and i really dun wan to waste the money and effort just like this.....

Tsukaretta ne~

Argh!!!!! Hontouni tsukaretta ne~ How can i ever feel as energetic as before???? Been really easily tired lately due to having to juggle so many things makes me really haggard and makes me feel old..... many ppl have been commenting that i've lost weight.... guessed coz i've been running ard too much.... and not having enuff rest..... this kind of life still haf to go on for another 1yr plus..... really need lotsa encouragement from my dearest loved ones..... Ganbatte yo~~

Super busy morning ..... like a mad house @ work..... had lunch @ only 2pm.... managed to haf a good one.... took Yoshinoya's beef & teriyaki set.... been such a long time since i last ate tat.... standard seems to haf dropped alot....... haiz!!!!! Yakuza said tat Yoshinoya is takkai in S'pore ..... very yasui in Japan..... if i ever get to go japan sure to try if the standard is good.

Really pissed off wif my damn "N" phone.... bought for only 4 mths plus and itz giving me a hell lots of prob.... tis is the 2nd time i'm sending it to hosp. It's causing me lotsa inconvenience coz i do not haf a spare hp to use. Itz giving me even more probs when the initial probs still persists even after the 1st servicing..... really very dissatisfied!!!!!!! And when i'm @ the service centre, i see so so so so much customers also waiting to send their hp to hosp...... i cant help to flare @ the young guy who served me..... he empathized wif my fustration and served me very patiently. Tat makes me cool off abit .....service recovery!!! Only can get my phone back next tues.... haiz!!!!! The saddest thing is tat i was unable to back up the files in my hp and there was nothing they can do abt it..... i'm was being forced to accept the fate of losing impt files in my hp.

Lotsa assignments piling up and deadline nearing awaiting for me to start .... but i really still not very motivated to get started.... my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak...... plus i'm so tired lately.... how can i ever get motivated to get started.....

i'm really yearning for a holiday getaway..... really need a break..... feeling so "no life" ...... ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!! How nice if i can be a tai tai now..... dun needa work & study..... but it will never happen for now.... fat hope!!!!!

Ganbarimasu!!!!

It was abit of ups & downs over the weekend for me.... but i'm so glad tat everything has cleared up and managed to move the the next level.... Thanks for everything!!!!! I'll remember the motto and haf it rooted in my heart!!!!!

Start of another week again.... boss is not in today so we get to slack.... hahaha!!!! Had vegetarian steamboat buffet wif colleagues & 1 ex-colleagues..... shared fun & laughter.... ate so full till i'm so uncomfortable.... gosh!!!!!

Went to isetan scotts to pick up my cosmetics which they owed me and i bought a shorts @ $35 from Mango.... been looking ard for shorts.... been wearing shorts very frequently.... so comfortable wearing shorts ard..... bought another pair of levis jeans.... engineered series @ only $35.... really too good buy tat i cant resist not to get it.... too bad the darker shade doesnt haf size 25.... couldnt buttoned up for size 24..... so i bought the lighter blue shade.....

Oneechan's frn got me a free lance job on sat which involves my interest on manicure.... and itz good $$ for juz tat 1 hr..... the lady might contact me again if she ever has future events tat require manicure services..... heez!!!!!

Dropped "yakuza" an sms tis morning, asking if he's feeling better.... he replied, "Morning, thank you i feel better!" haha.... his english is really improving alot alot..... ganbatte yo~!!!!! Amanda mo ganbarimasu!!!!!

Disappointment!!!!!!!!

Been feeling very tired tis week coz been sleeping very late the whole week...... as a result falling asleep in the mrt DAILY!!!! Haiz!!!! Tink i'm looking very haggard lately due to lack of sufficient sleep & stress..... Can someone help me out there?????? If this carries on no matter how much eyecon nor other beauty products & cosmetics is goin to help me!!!!!!!!!

My "dearest relative" has juz left me for the month.... guess tis adds to why i'm feeling extremely tired. And as a result, my mood is not good as well.......... feeling moodless..... especially after i receive a particular sms..... Dampen my mood totally!!!!!! Do not wish to elaborate on the issue but i'll gif a similiar scenario of wat i'm feeling.... .....
{ the story goes..... imagine a kid anxiously & excitedly looking forward to receive a gift on his b'day..... itz a gift which he has been wanting to own..... he was told on monday tat it will be given to him on friday .... so there he was patiently waiting for the arrival of friday..... and when friday is finally here ..... he was told by the giver that he will give him days later...... imagine how disappointed he was...... felt like he was being cheated.... empty promises...... how disappointed & upset he's feeling??? } Tis is somehow wad i'm feeling.....

Having headache now..... but class has yet to start..... haiz!!!!!!!!!!!! i miss my bed..... my meh meh!!!!!

Bugs Leave me PLEASE!!!!!

Down wif cough again..... hope itz not tat mycoplasma again.... Damn!!!! Stupid "shang mien" still have the cheek to say i pass to her when she was the 1 who bring in this stupid mycoplasma virus..... Durhz!!!! Been coughin for abt 2 weeks le.... was coughin really badly last week till my abdominal muscles ache.... and cough till i wanna vomit..... now getting abit better but still coughing..... juz hope it will leave me really soon. I'll try to be good to avoid those foods which i'm supposed to avoid when coughing.... thou itz hard.... i'm trying....ganbatte ne!!!!

Went for match yesterday.... was upset tat his team lost.... can see tat he's trying really very in every match but unfortunately his team mates are not really putting in much effort..... he mentioned to me tat he's upset coz he doesnt know how he can really motivate the team & strengthen the teamwork..... and he's not a local tat makes it worse plus there is still a language barrier thou he's english is really good now. Makes me sad to hear tat he fractured his cheekbone during the match and needs 2 weeks to recover.... poor thing!!!! He has so much abrasions all over his arms & legs..... ouch!!!! He's really a very good player wif good sportsman spirit.... really salute him.... he's the No.1 player in my heart. i'll always ouen you.... Ganbatte yo "yakuza"~!!!! He's really very sweet & gentlemanly.... allowed me and oneechan to take a hitch on the bus they chartered for the players.... felt honoured & paiseh @ the same time. He looked so tsukaretta yet he insists that we haf bangohan together.... really so sweet of him. Ate near his place.... he insists on paying for the meal. He asked if i visit his hometown b4 and i said "no" and he says he'll bring me.... to THAILAND!!!!! Wahahaha!!!! He's so notti.... trying to disturb me...den he asked where would i want him to bring me to....... hehe!!!!! he keeps peeping @ me while he was conversing wif oneechan.... haha!!!! Gave him some baby biscuits and he used his mouth to bite the wrapper and act like a baby.... so hilarious!!!!! Hontouni kawaii ne!!!!! He used the towel i gave him.... so happy to hear tat he's using it very match..... Subarashii!!!! Took a couple of pics.... he's really super kawaii & kakoii ne!!!! Times always flies when hanging out wif him and i never fail to enjoy wif him...... he'll bring me for jap dining the next date..... hehe.... looking forward to it.... and looking forward to many more. Aishite imasu!!!!

Slept really late last nite.....ard 1plus to 2am..... so tired today even thou boss not in..... especially after lunch.... my eyelids are SUPER heavy.... goodness.... tink my dark circles will be darker ..... benefit eyecon please help me!!!!! In class now.... hope the class ends earlier and i can go home earlier to rest.

I'm back

Haf not been blogging for like ages..... been really busy having to cope wif work & part time studies 3 times a week ..... GOSH!!!!! Not having regular proper meals..... and even i dun notice tat i lost weight till many many ppl commented. Tink i'm having some form of chronic fatigue syndrome..... cant seem to feel energized no matter how much rest i haf thou i dun really get much even on weekends.... coz i haf to visit grandma on a regular basis due to her condition...... i'm really tired of having to run here and there from places to places......plus i haf tons of assignments waiting for me to start..... when will tis come to an end????? i really need lots of motivation & encourgement to keep myself moving on.....

He's finally back in S'pore again tis yr..... but playing for another team.... i really pity him coz he's such a motivated player but sad thing is tat the rest of the team mates are not.... and itz hard on him to try to motivate or counsel them as he's new to the team and there is some form of language barrier still thou he's english is powerful compared to many..... went on a 1-to-1 lunch date wif him on CNY eve ..... and 1 dinner wif him,oneechan & myc after his game..... he's so sweet & gentlemanly..... even asked me to follow him back to his hometown @ the end of the yr..... Never tot my dream will come true and it has really come true..... Hontouni ureshii yo!!!!!

Went to watch "the leap years" wif june yest..... i really like the love philosophy in the show.... tink i agree wif most of them & it really applies in real life..... like ppl use more of "miss" den "love" and i believe in destiny.... i find tat itz a amazing thing in life..... i wont call it a fantastic show but watchable if u can appreciate romance movie.

Been jogging @ least once a week for the past abt 1 mth..... motivated my "some1" to make me jog which i used to hate.... but not so bad afterall.....

So far this year hasnt been really very well for me..... i hope it really gets better..... if anyone happen to read this blog and u haf a kind heart.... pls pray for me.... thanks!!!!